I haven’t posted for a few days – life got crazy as we took our son back to college and then came down to FL to find a home. Yep, I think it’s finally going to happen – we really are going to move.
For me, all of 2014 was waiting for the move to FL. We’d known for a couple of years that the move to corporate headquarters was going to be in Fall 2014. I anticipated, I worried, I planned, I imagined, I worried some more. Typical with depression, I catastrophized – worst case scenario kind of thing. I kept thinking I understood the timing, but the move kept getting delayed – from April to November, I was wrong every time I thought the timing was right.
The truth is, I was not ready. God had to teach me to wait on Him, that He knows best, and that I need to trust more and assume less. God allowed me to have time in the desert – waiting, learning to trust, learning to follow Him – so that when it was time – His time – I was ready. Like Moses, waiting 40 years before God called him to lead the Israelites from Egypt to the Promised Land. Like David, waiting 20 years from the time he was anointed king to the time he became king over all of Israel. Waiting does not come naturally. It’s hard. Really hard.
Waiting for months in uncertainty really brought me close to another depressive episode. I was waking in the middle of the night, even though I take meds for that. I was on the verge of tears all the time. A sadness ran under everything I was experiencing. I didn’t really care about eating. I would cry if I thought at all about my current situation, and cry when I thought about how my situation was going to change. My psych doc said that I was on the precipice of an episode, with a lasso tied around me, ready to be jerked back into the valley of depression if one more thing was added to the pile I was buried under (besides the waiting, I had 3 life-changing events last year, but that’s for a different post). We increased one of my meds – seems to have helped. At least the undercurrent of sadness is relieved. I still am dealing with some anxiety, which means learning to trust God more.
This is my third trip to FL that has included house hunting. And I’m praying that God will lead us to exactly where He wants us. Like Moses said,
“If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” (Exodus 33:15)
I want to be where God wants me to be. So while my husband and I look for our new home, we enjoy the sights of this beautiful area (I took this picture last night on a beach in Naples, FL) , and wait for God to give us His Presence and peace when we find that place He wants us to be.
I love the desert analogies from Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On by Stormie Omartian and from various writings of Charles Swindoll.
This post was inspired by the Daily Prompt : https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/moment-in-time/