Today, I chose not to get up early. Lately, I’ve been sleeping in. If I have nothing going on, then I can take my time in getting out of bed. There’s no rush to be anywhere.
Today, I chose not to attend Bible Study. I didn’t feel like putting myself out there, with the smiling face that says everything’s ok, that pretends to be interested in – well – anything. I like the study a lot, but am not connecting with folks. Of course, I have to attend to connect – I know. But some days that takes more energy than I want to expend.
Today, I chose not to go anywhere. I stayed home. This means that most of the day has gone by without me speaking to anyone. I didn’t go to the pool, nor to the workout room. I sat on the lanai this afternoon, and in my spot on the couch most of the rest of the day.
I realize that making these choices could lead me into self-pity and isolation, even down the path toward depression. But instead, today I simply enjoyed the slow pace of the day, the relaxation of studying my Bible on my own, completing a few small projects that needed attention and time, petting the kitty, watching TV.
I’m in a holding pattern, waiting for whatever the next thing is that God has for me. I think I am supposed to be writing, but I keep procrastinating, am feeling intimidated by the project. Then again, if this is what God has given me to do, I know He will equip me completely with what I need to get it done.
I just need to choose to do it.