I’m homesick today, and I don’t even know for which home. I’m grieving double.
We lived in FL for 14 months, so I was just finally getting settled in. I knew my way around town, had a church to call home, the start of some very nice friendships, a routine that I enjoyed most days. Liked Bible Study, loved my Moms In Prayer friends, had great neighbors. Loved my house.
Now I’m starting all over and I’m lonely. I’m grieving the loss of friends. Ok, they’re not lost, they’re just not here. And in many ways, I’m grieving the move to FL again, as I grieve this move to VA. That caught me by surprise this morning. Grief can bring back old grief.
I find myself thinking of my older home, my WI home, the place I moved from when we went to FL. I’m missing my old streets and house and friends and neighbors and co-workers and church. It’s as if I just moved from there, as I’m homesick for them all over again. Even though I went through grief when we moved to FL, it’s as fresh today as it was the first time.
Granted, I’ve only been in VA for fifty-one days. Hardly enough time to settle into a routine, let alone have any friends. But I find myself asking God, “Didn’t I just do this?” I am reminding myself that I told God I’d go where He wanted me to go. I have to remind myself, or I’ll get lost in the pity-party. I think He wanted us to come here, for my husband’s job opportunity and for new adventures together as a couple. I know we prayed about it and sensed God’s leading.
But I’m so lonely. God truly is all I have all day long. I’m trying to practice that, live in that, be content in that. God is all I have.
He is supposed to be all I need. We sing those words. We read those words. Do I mean those words? Do I live them? Is He really enough, or do I only mean it when everything else is in order, in my order?
I know that time will help. I will begin to learn my way around this new place in VA, and I pray that it will start to feel comfortable soon. It will be at least a year before I can call it home – I know from all my earlier moves that’s how long it takes. But it’s really hard in the meantime. And the days are quiet and very long.
So I’m learning, at a deeper level, to listen to God in the stillness. To hear Him assure me that He is enough. He is all I need. He will supply all my needs. He understands my tears. He will draw near when I feel broken-hearted. He is the lover of my soul. I will tell myself these truth-promises until my eyes dry and I can rest quietly in His arms.
Sunny with a Chance of Clouds 
Peggy, it has been so long since I spent time in the blogging world, it is so good to read about what God is doing in your life. He has brought you so far and it really encourages me at the stage of life I am in right now. Thank you also for your precious comment to my blog. It meant a lot to have you visit and encourage me.
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So nice to read you again! Glad you are encouraged. I know you’ve done the same for me with your writing. Take good care!
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God Bless you dear lady!
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Hi Peggy, one thing that is beautiful about living in Virginia is the fact that we get all seasons, and I think the same goes for life. I hope the season you’re in now passes, and I hope the warm people of Virginia welcome you and your family with open arms. Best wishes.
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Thank you. Looking forward to all the seasons again!
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So sorry to read of your grief Peggy. I remember when you moved to Florida and the time it took for you to call it home. Then it was a surprise to read you were moving to Virginia. I pray you find a new Grace filled Church speedily! Waking in the morning with your eyes set on a new day and God’s purpose in your life. He has a plan, and you are part of it from before time began:) He collects our tears in a bottle. I am sorry for this “season” of change and loss in your life. I pray it passes soon. Denise
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Thank you. As it faded in Florida, the grief will fade here too. It’s just another long journey. I was thinking about how God collects our tears – isn’t that cool?!
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Confirmation from Him to you:) Makes one want to do a happy dance just thinking of the joy in that! Awesome:):):)
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Oh, Peggy!
I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug. I can relate to your grief and am crying for us both as I read your post and as I write this.
Leaving my position in Pediatric Specialties was much the same. I really felt at home there, but my physical and mental health demanded a change.
My new position is great, but it isn’t the same. I miss my former colleagues and my primary patients. I know it will take time to move on in my heart… God’s time, not mine.
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I’m sure that was an incredibly difficult move. I’m sorry for your grief, too. Change may be inevitable, but it’s hard, too!
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