Everything was fine on Monday. Beautiful sunny day, a tad warmer than I prefer, but good. Had appointment with my new psych doc – I really like him. Got X-rays for the chiropractor. Stopped at the grocery store. A decent day.
Tuesday, I could hardly move. My lower back locked up and the pain was excruciating. I made it ten feet to the pain reliever in the bathroom – moaning as I dragged myself there, grasping along the side of the bed as far as I could reach, then flinging myself to the door jamb for something to hold me up. I used my left arm to support myself on the counter as I slowly lowered my body to the bottom drawer to grab the pills. After gulping down a few, I reversed the process to get myself back to the bed. Once I was laying down, I panted and moaned until the sharp needles stopped poking me. I texted my husband and told him I was having back spasms.
I laid in bed awhile, then napped a bit, and when I woke up, my back felt a little better. I decided to head into the living room – I’d been in bed all morning. This time, I rolled my body upwards as I swung my legs over the side, and standing was almost painless. For about five seconds. But it wasn’t causing me to gasp, so I staggered to the cushy chair. Big mistake.
The moment my tailbone went lower in the seat than parallel with the floor, I cried out in pain. And now I was truly stuck. No arm rests. No tall table. Nothing to push up on. I texted my husband and told him I needed help.
I sat there for 15-20 minutes, pushing my feet against the coffee table to try to lift my lower back and ease the agony. Finally, I couldn’t wait for him anymore – the pain was just too much. So I fell out of the chair and began to crawl to the bedroom. I cried out with each “step,” but I got to the edge of the bed. Now I had to pull myself up and get on top. I was making childbirth sounds by this time, and I rolled and moaned until the spasm relaxed enough that I could lie flat.
My husband got home about 15 minutes later. He crushed up some ice and I laid on it, fell asleep as the ice slowly melted and melded to the shape of my lower spine. I woke an hour later and my back had unlocked. I laid in bed and thanked God for breaking the hold on my spine.
I was able to be up and about the rest of the afternoon and evening. And while my back has continued to spasm all week, it’s not locked up again. I saw a doctor yesterday – she gave me meds to help with relaxing the muscles and the pain. I’m on the mend.
There wasn’t much to do when laying flat on my back, so I prayed a lot. Not just for my pain, but for the pain in the world, for pain that friends are experiencing, for the pain of life. Because there is pain, and many are hurting. And sometimes crawling through the pain is all we can do. Until God breaks the pain lock. He specializes in relief. And Jesus’ death and resurrection has broken the pain for eternity. All of earth groans for Christ’s return. All of creation longs for the pain to end. And God’s Word promises that it will.