I’m writing what’s going on in my life. Which feels like nothing.
I am alone for hours. During the day, the time stretches in front of me like barren land. Some days I sleep in just because there is nothing to get up for.
I’m used to being busier than this. To having more social interaction. To conversations. To people. The silence is so loud!
I need a hobby. Or a volunteer spot. Or a good book. Or a Bible study. Something to do with my time. Perhaps if I filled the hours with reading. Or knitting. Or studying God’s Word. But I haven’t, so the hours drag by.
I’ve scheduled my week so that I get out around people most days. Three times a week, mid-afternoon, I go to my very-part-time job and talk to a few people. One morning I do the same. Another morning (for a couple more weeks anyway), I go to physical therapy for my back, so at least I talk to the PT. But all of those appointments are an hour or so – not much in my long days.
I don’t really know anyone yet. My job doesn’t lend itself to getting to know the other trainers – we’re each busy with our own students. Joining an evening Bible study didn’t work out this past session due to the job – I’ll try again after the New Year. I haven’t found one that meets during the daytime. A small group would be a nice way to get to know others, so I hope that will work out.
How can I use this time – and I have lots of it – to bring glory to God? What can I do with this time and solitude?
Firstly, I need to receive it as a gift, not as a curse of loneliness. I need to shift my attitude of self-pity, and instead practice gratitude for this time. My life may not always keep this slow pace.
Secondly, I need to use it wisely, and in a way that honors God. Letter writing, Bible study, praying for others. I do these things a bit, but perhaps if I’m more intentional…
Finally, I need to ask God to give me purpose for this time. To write about my depression experience. To study God’s Word as He reveals Himself to me. To relax into a good book – my Kindle is full of them. To knit a new scarf, maybe even learn a new stitch. I have lots of choices to choose from!
I need to trade the “I’m so lonely” for “now it’s time.”
Sunny with a Chance of Clouds 
Praying for you today, friend.
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Thank you for sharing, and for venturing to my writing space last night. It was good to ‘talk again’. Life isn’t easy, is it? I’m also learning that my heavenly Daddy does have good plans for his girls – I just need to patiently wait while he works in a sinful messed up world for my best. My best, I am learning, is most often that internal work of setting me free. God’s blessings as you walk the same journey – it’s worth it, just hard for us both right now. Lord, please bless Peggy. Please strengthen her in this new place. Make a way for friendship. May we both remember that you are very good, and that we have an enemy who’d love for us to think otherwise. Help us both see this time in our lives as the gift you intended. Thank you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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MEGA-amens to that!! Peggy, I was also praying for you this morning (Thursday’s my bloggin’ buddies prayer list–sounds funny, but I have to be organized or it just doesn’t happen…), and this came to mind, for what it’s worth: if you are an animal lover, this organization needs help loving and socializing PUPPIES (oh, I wish I could do this) to prepare them to become service dogs. http://www.cci.org/site/c.cdKGIRNqEmG/b.4011029/k.6CF1/Puppy_Raising_Program.htm
This can actually be such a ministry. One of my former students has her own Diabetic Alert Dog now, and I saw a vet the other day with his PTSD canine companion.
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…AND, you have such a capacity for compassion, if volunteering with puppies doesn’t fit your schedule, there’s always the animal shelter (which I’ve also considered). There is just something about loving on animals that has a real human connection. Not that it takes the place of humans, but it can sure open the doors to that also. Just praying for you and sharing what came. LOVE!
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What great ideas! Thanks for praying for me, and for sharing your insights. Thanks for being a blogging buddy!
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It’s not too late to join in on Nano http://www.nanowrimo.org
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