Sunny with a Chance of Clouds

I’m feeling sad today. With no particular reason why, though maybe I know what prompted it. Hard to discern.

I had great prayer time and conversation with my best friend this morning. So that was good. Then I got ready for work, and ran some errands.

The sky was overcast, and the temperature was dropping. Snow was in the forecast, and I could feel it in the air when I got out of the car. Ironically, I was picking up a bathing suit from Target!

The satellite radio station was playing songs that took me back to a few years ago. Back to days of depression, when those songs ministered to me. Melancholia set in.

I’m missing my long-time therapist, again. I miss him often. This time, I think it’s because I’m looking for a new counselor. I like my current therapist, but she’s not a Christian, which is becoming increasingly important to me. While she respects my beliefs and when I say they are important to me, she doesn’t really understand the depth of how my faith affects my thoughts and feelings, the scope to which my beliefs define me and how I relate to my family and the world around me. And I think there are some spiritual issues that I need help working through, which I don’t think she can do.

So I’m in the market for a new therapist. Which is not an easy place to be – to start all over with someone new. One name pops to the top of the list when I google “Christian therapists near me,” and my pastor gave me the same name. So I left a message in his voicemail to see if he’s accepting new clients. I’ll have to give him a try and see if we’re a good fit.

I know it’s important for me to have a therapist in my routine. I need the talk therapy as well as my medication. To help me process my thoughts. But also to know me well enough to help me if I descend into depression again.

Back to my opening statement – it’s hard to feel sad. I know emotions – even unexplained ones – are part of life. Sadness included. But in the back of my mind, every time I feel sad, the thought flashes across my consciousness that this could be depression. An overreaction, I know. But it’s real. It happens. And I have to tell myself that sadness is just an emotion, not a harbinger of doom!

I think I need to chat about this with my new therapist, as soon as I find one.