I was struggling this morning with lots of negative self talk. I was blaming myself and my earlier depression for one of my children’s current situation.
I kept telling myself that it wasn’t true. I prayed about it, asking God to replace what I knew were lies with His truth. That I am beloved, a child of the King. That “...there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1, NLT. And I know I belong to Christ Jesus. So where was this condemnation coming from?
My feelings wouldn’t catch up to this verse, and I began crying. I couldn’t internalize God’s truths and reconcile them with my feelings. And my feelings were so negative – full of guilt and shame. And self-blame.
Until I heard the word “accused.” I was being accused. And right then, I recognized the source of the lies. Satan gave himself away by accusing me. Because I recalled immediately that he is known as the Accuser in the Bible (Revelation 12:10).
These were lies from the devil. Besides Accuser, Jesus called him “the father of lies.” John 8:44, NLT. He was lying to me, blaming me, accusing me. Telling me that it was my fault that my child has made these choices.
But that’s not how God speaks to His children, and I am a child of God. He speaks to me with love, with tenderness. Even if He’s disciplining, He does so with gentleness.
So these harsh words couldn’t be from God. They had to be from the devil. And I will not agree with the devil!
I admit, this may be an ongoing battle for me, to recognize the lies of the devil, to distinguish his accusations from my own thoughts. Such is the nature of depressive thinking. It’s in my head, so it feels like it’s my own thoughts, that it originated with me. Depression lies.
I pray that God will give me the discernment to recognize the enemy’s voice, and replace it quickly with words of love from my Heavenly Father.