Lies and My Latest Counseling Appointment…

I’ve met with this guy twice. This week was my second visit, and I cried through the whole session. I don’t think I’m going back, but my tears aren’t why.

My crying felt good, actually. There was an issue I wanted to discuss – a lie I have believed – that I needed help navigating. I knew going in on Wednesday that there might be tears. So why did I even bother with makeup?!

I’ve been blaming myself for several years for something that wasn’t my fault. And I’ve known it wasn’t my fault – in my head. But my emotions didn’t agree, and I couldn’t shake the accusation and corresponding guilt. So I knew this was what I wanted to discuss at my counseling appointment. I wanted help with seeing the lie – I’m to blame – and replacing it with truth – I did the best I could and it’s not my fault.

My counselor heard my request, and prayed with me. He asked God to reveal the truth to me about the situation, and to replace the lie with the truth. (See Wikipedia: Theophostic Counseling).

I cried. Tears streamed from my closed eyes as I prayed along. I felt my head knowledge move to my heart; it’s not my fault; I did the best I could; God loves me and them completely, and longs to pour blessings on us, if I will only let go of my desire to control the situation.

I cried as these truths finally sank in. And that is exactly what I had hoped for from the therapy session. To replace the lies I was believing with the truth I was having a hard time accepting.

And then the counselor said that he thought there was more – another underlying lie that I was believing. And I balked.

I know the lie – I knew it was a lie even before I saw the therapist. I just wanted his help to move the truth from my head to my heart. I don’t want to go diving for more lies. This was a specific situation. In general, I don’t want my every thought to be traced back to my childhood. Which was good, by the way!

I know that I benefit from talk therapy, especially when I’m experiencing a depressive episode (which I currently am). I need a therapist who will listen to all the thoughts I express, take them and reflect them back to me in a way that makes sense. Put reason and logic and order to what feel like random depressive thoughts. I want a therapist who will say, “Depression sucks,” and then help me make sense of my feelings, put them into context for me.

I need therapy to accompany my medicine, especially when I’m fighting depression like I am right now. And I’ve been at this long enough to know what I need from my therapist.

And this latest guy isn’t it. He helped me with the issue I needed, but that’s all.

I need to find someone else.

11 thoughts on “Lies and My Latest Counseling Appointment…

  1. Anne February 18, 2019 / 4:44 pm

    Keep trying — you will find the right one, I am confident!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wendy Rabe February 15, 2019 / 5:55 am

    Sorry this one wasn’t the right fit, but glad you accomplished what you wanted at that session! At least you know what you really need, hang in there in the search.


  3. theapplesinmyorchard February 14, 2019 / 9:10 pm

    Ugh, Peg. I am so sorry. I am glad he could help you but sorry he won’t be able to be of help in the future. I think you know yourself best and if this counselor is not going to do it for you, it’s best you move on to find someone that can fit your needs. I hope you find that person quickly. In the meantime, I am praying for you and hoping you can find the right person to support you through this episode and what you need. I love you and hope you find peace in both your heart and your head. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. raeross123 February 14, 2019 / 9:08 pm

    Finding the right therapist is so hard! I am happy you have the courage to move onto someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi February 14, 2019 / 9:26 pm

      Thanks. You’re right – it takes courage and tenacity! But it’s worth it when it’s a good fit.


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