insomnia

Sleepless

Peggy RiceLeave a comment

What. is. going. on?

We went to bed 3 hours ago, and I’m still wide awake. I tried chamomile tea. I tried warm milk. I tried Advil. This all in addition to the sleep med that I take. But it’s no use. I’m still wide awake.

Contrast that to other nights this week. Hubby was traveling, and I found myself bored and tired by 9pm, collapsing into bed and asleep by 9:30 at the latest.  And I’d get a full 10, even 12 hours of sleep! This happened all week long, until tonight.

Now here I am at 1:09am, typing a blog because I’m too awake to even close my eyes. They keep popping back open!

My mind isn’t racing with a long to-do list.  I’m not worried about anything. I’m not anxious for anyone. I’m just awake.

There are two variables to which I might be able to pinpoint a cause. One – I had a glass of wine right before bed. But I’ve done that many times, and have rarely had a problem falling asleep. Two – my husband is home and back in bed with me. Hmm. Perhaps I’ve gotten comfortable having the bed all to myself!

This second scenario would imply that I’m sprawling out in the middle of the mattress, hogging all the pillows and blankets, and taking over the bed. But this is not the case. I sleep on my side of the bed, even when he’s gone. I might occasionally pull the blankets my way, but I’m not sleeping down the center.

So what has caused this nighttime wakefulness? I haven’t had insomnia for several months – is it cyclical, and it’s time for me again? Is this going to be a repeat pattern, every few months? I can’t draw that conclusion from just one night of wide-awakeness.

The cat just wandered in, wondering why I’m awake. I’m sure. She usually has the house to herself at night! She sniffs my computer and then saunters off to explore another corner of the home. Maybe out to the garage, where she can hop through the open window and curl up in the seat of the car and nap. Oh, that sounds nice!

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe. Psalm 4:8 NLT

Mid-night waking

Peggy Rice9 Comments

It’s 2:27am on Friday morning as I start to write this. This is the third out of four nights I’ve been awake in the wee hours of the morning. And it happened a couple of nights/mornings last week, too.

It’s starting to feel like a pattern.

I wake up some time between 1-2am, and can be awake for 2-3 hours. Last night, I laid in bed for the whole time. Tonight, I tried to sleep for an hour before just getting up and having tea.

I remember having trouble with sleep when I was fighting off depression last time. I seem to fall asleep pretty quickly, but when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can’t get back to sleep. I know I’m not the only one in my family with this pattern, so perhaps it’s partly genetics. Maybe partly age – I hear insomnia is common in menopause. We could form a club and have 3am meetings! What’s on the agenda this morning, girls?!

When I’m lying in bed and trying to sleep, my body falls into the groove of the gel foam bed topper. A couple of times, I’ve gotten up because I can’t get comfortable – the gel won’t adapt quickly enough; I’m too hot (the ceiling fan is on); my back hurts. Or, I’m just awake. This morning, I think a bowl of Cheerios might ease my tummy growls.

I’m not feeling tired right now – I’m awake and alert. I’ve scrolled through my emails, read a devotional, added to my to-do list, and printed a journal. I like blogging in the quiet of the morning hours – this is often when I write.

I have a book to read for next week’s book club – I could start that. Or I could quietly watch Netflix. Or knit. I’m not quite sure what to do with myself in these very early hours of the day!

The cats aren’t sure what to make of me being up, either. Last night, I think they knew I was awake even though I was still in bed, and I could hear them running through the hallway and wrestling in the bedroom. They even pounced on me a couple of times, without waking my husband. This morning, they both blinked at me as I disturbed their quiet. At first, they moved around me slowly, like they weren’t sure that they wanted to be up. But as our early minutes have turned into an hour, they’ve played in the cardboard cat house and grabbed a quick bite of kibble. The kitten is searching for a toy to chase across the floor while the lady is following me from room to room. It seems they’re accepting my mid-night roaming around the house.

I’m starting to feel a little sleepy, so maybe I’ll go back to bed. The problem is that the sheets are now cold. I could just curl up here on the couch under the cozy new throw blanket.

It always surprises my husband when he finds me in the living room in the morning. When his alarm goes off, he gets up very quietly so as not to wake me, not even noticing that I’m not in the bed! Then he comes out for breakfast and flips on the lights, and I’m awake again. Sometimes, I crawl back into bed and other times I stay on the couch and listen to him rustle around the kitchen, making toast or eggs. Sometimes, if I’ve slept well on the couch, I get up and eat breakfast and start my day, too. But not usually. I’m typically still tired from the middle-of-the-night hours of being awake, and sleep calls to me as the rest of the day awakens.