medication

Celebrate with me!

Peggy Rice8 Comments

I had a realization a couple of days ago: I’ve been an entire year without a depressive episode! That’s the first time in eleven years!

Yes, I had some bumps. And some down days. But that’s part of living; that’s not depression.

I attribute this milestone to several factors.

  1. I take my medications faithfully. And if I feel myself dipping towards depression, I tell my psychiatrist so he can modify my meds.
  2. I was actively involved in a support group: Fresh Hope. We met weekly – folks who struggle with mental health issues and loved ones – and we talked and encouraged one another. More importantly, we reminded each other of the hope we have in Jesus – hope that allows us to live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis.
  3. I wrote a WRAP – a plan that outlines my triggers, my indicators, my “plan of attack” if depression should resurface.
  4. I told my husband and friends if I was feeling low for more than a couple of days. Just saying it out loud helped.
  5. I prayed for strength. And my family and friends prayed for me too.
  6. I stayed in God’s Word each day. The Bible is full of the hope we have in Christ and how much God loves us.
  7. I talked to a therapist regularly. I know myself well enough to recognize that I really benefit from talk therapy. In fact, I’m without a therapist right now, due to just having moved here a couple of months ago, and I can tell by my mood that I really need to talk to a counselor.
  8. I got out my gratitude journal again, and resumed recording those things for which I’m thankful. Studies show that counting blessings is effective in fighting depression.

I’m celebrating this victory, and hope you’ll join me!

Anticipation

Peggy Rice3 Comments

Expectancy. Looking forward. These words connote a positive contemplation. But what if the anticipation isn’t positive? Does that make it “dread?”

We’ve lived here in Colorado Springs now for just over a month. And as I’ve said before, we seem to have settled in quickly. I’m pretty sure we’ve found our church already, and I’ve signed up for Women’s Bible Study, which starts mid-January: a great way to meet women my age. I’m participating in a weekly prayer group of moms who gather to pray for their kids (Moms In Prayer), and that’s very rewarding – with the exception of a time while I was living in Virginia, I’ve been involved in this international ministry for 22 years! One of the women from that group has introduced me to some knitting clubs in the area – I’ll go next week. Finally, we met a couple through a mutual friend, and have gotten together with them several times: new friends!

So what am I dreading?

Well, I know my pattern. After 4-5 months of living in my new location, I descend into depression. At least, that’s the way it’s always been before. So as I look to the next several months, I’m concerned for my mental health.

I know this time could be an exception. I’m on a good combination of medicines. I’m reaching out to form new relationships. I’m hoping to get established with a therapist while I’m mentally healthy, so I’m prepared in case depression happens. I have access to past therapists if I need them. So I’m ready.

But it’s there. A little bit of dread. Of worry. Last time, those closest to me, and I myself, missed the early warning signs. So perhaps this anticipation is good – it has me alert and attentive.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll pray about my concerns, and trust God that He’ll be with me, as He has been every other time.

Wellness Plan Toolbox

Peggy Rice10 Comments

The first step in writing my wellness plan is determining the helpful steps I already have in my daily life. When I am healthy, what is it I’m doing to make me that way? What are my day-to-day activities that signify health and wellness for me? “What things do I already do to help myself be well, stay well, and live in the way I want to live?” (reference: WRAP Plan app)

This toolbox of activities is critical to my Wellness Plan, as I’ll draw from this list at different stages along my path from wellness to illness and back again. When I feel stressors, or triggers, that might signify a depressive episode is coming, what can I do to alleviate it? Are there any tools in my toolbox that I can pull out and implement to avert an episode?

If I’m further down the path toward depression, and an episode is imminent, which activities can I use to lessen the severity of the episode?

If I’m on my way out of a depression, which tools will I use first to help me post-crisis?

My initial list was 14 wellness tools:

  • time alone with God in Bible reading and prayer (TAWG)
  • taking my meds
  • journaling
  • eating well
  • good sleep hygiene
  • spending time with friends
  • sufficient down-time
  • seeing my therapist regularly
  • keeping my psych doc appointments
  • blogging or writing
  • taking naps
  • reading
  • watching movies
  • Fresh Hope Support Group

But as I thought about steps I can implement in a pre-crisis, I realized I have several more tools, even though I’m not currently using them. Things like savoring a cup of tea, or coloring, or taking a walk in nature. I certainly need to tell my support team that I’m struggling, so they can help me watch for warning signs.

One thing I’ve learned about depression is that it clouds my thinking. I can have this wellness toolbox, but in the midst of a crisis, I’m paralyzed and don’t know how to get out of it. That’s the reason for writing a wellness plan when I’m mentally healthy: so when I’m not thinking straight, I can look back and see what I recommend to myself.

I intend to share my wellness plan with my support folks (husband, sister, therapist, friend) so that they can help me remember to reach into my toolbox when I need to. As soon as I’m done writing the whole thing, I’ll pass it on to my care team.

The cost of mental health meds

Peggy Rice2 Comments

I don’t want to get political here, but I think this blog might be. How does anyone without insurance do this?

I’m temporarily without prescription insurance, and my psych doc phoned in some orders for meds that I don’t need to refill immediately. But I didn’t tell that to CVS, and the pharmacy filled them and sent me a text that the meds are ready for pickup. I looked up the prices on their app. Two that I take are name-brand, not yet available as generics. A 30-day supply of one of them is over $2900, and the other is over $800. That doesn’t include the ~$150 for each generic drug!

I’ll be able to afford my meds once my new insurance kicks in, so I’m not concerned for me. But I truly wonder about this for others – for those with less or on fixed incomes.

I have a couple of friends who don’t have the insurance to help offset the costs of their antidepressants. I’ve seen their tears of frustration as they struggle for mental health and feel defeated, which just adds to depression misery.

What about folks on a fixed income with reduced medical benefits? How are they supposed to pay for their mental health medications if insurance companies remove effective medications from their approved lists?

What about newer medications that are improvements over what’s currently available, but they aren’t the reduced price of a generic drug? Many people are denied access to those improved meds, simply because the cost is out of reach.

What’s the pharmaceutical companies’ responsibility in this? Their research takes years and costs gazillions of dollars to find formulas and get meds approved, but do they recoup those costs on the back of the ill? How should this really work, and be fair? How can we get mental health medicines to the people who need it, in an affordable and timely manner? I don’t have answers, am not pointing fingers to blame. I’m truly asking – how can this be affordable? Is it the PollyAnna in me that wants this to be equal and easy?

On the mend

Peggy Rice1 Comment

I met with my psych doc this morning – a follow-up to last month’s med increase. I scored a 4 on the PHQ-9, which is still mild depression, but better than last time I saw him.

I told him that I could tell I was on the up-swing. I’m not feeling hopelessness anymore. My husband and I are dealing with a major life event, and it didn’t send me plummeting; I’m handling this stressful situation without succumbing to great distress.

I’m able to track a whole Netflix show – that’s improvement. I’m reaching out to relationships again instead of wanting to isolate – I joined a women’s Bible Study. I haven’t gone back to volunteering, but I hope to soon. I’m sleeping through the night again, instead of the 2-hour-middle-of-the-night insomnia.

I’m still struggling to concentrate when reading. I’m trying to follow Noom, but can’t seem to stay in my calorie allowance, so I’m a bit discouraged at my lack of self-discipline. That’s an improvement, though; before, I didn’t care.

I’ve mentioned my new therapist and our difficulties in timeliness. But I’ve decided that I really like talking to her, so I’m just going to build in some extra time around our appointments, knowing there will probably be some delays. It feels good to have that decided.

My husband and I have some major changes coming up in our near future, and I need to manage those with gentleness. I’ve asked friends to pray, and we’re following God’s direction for our next steps. I know that if I’m seeking His will, He will direct our path. Today’s blog post from Fresh Hope was very timely – about managing a mental health diagnosis in the midst of change. Just what I needed to hear. Thank You, Lord, for those reminders.